Many couples who come to see me are tired of their painful conversations that circle round and round without conclusion. They are continuously and frustratingly having conversations that go nowhere. I call this cycle of interaction the Roundabout.
Often couples turn up to counselling at the point where their resentment has built to such a high level that they are beside themselves with anger. The dissatisfaction in their partner has become too much to endure. No longer listening to each other - yet still holding the hope for things to improve.
Perhaps these frustrations were always there from the start but in a much quieter way. In the flush of new love, a lot of signs can be overlooked. The small red flags you noticed but ignored initially can later become clanging alarm bells which seem impossible to muffle.
You both end up on a short fuse so that any little thing can quickly blow up into blazing rows, walk-outs or stone-walling.
As you both continue to live in this inflamed state, any little comment will touch a raw nerve. You’ll both be highly reactive, live life treading on egg-shells, tip-toeing around each other or ignoring each other. It has all become too difficult and painful and feels hopeless.
This cycle may well be rooted in differing brain workings - where one partner thinks in a Neurotypical way and the other thinks in an Asperger’s way. Even when the couple have a lot in common, and are on the same page with many aspects of life, the different brain wiring creates repeating problematic patterns of behaviour in their relationship.
The Neurotypical partner is most often wanting a resolved outcome from one or more good to-and-fro conversations.
The Aspergers partner is mostly wanting one conversation in which he/she will express their position and will quickly become bored or confused if the same conversations repeat - ignoring the fact that no resolution has yet been found.
Conversations need to be more of a Serve and Return interaction followed by a sequence of rallies of different length. Sometimes this will lead to a conclusion, sometimes this will lead to other conversations in the hope of finding a conclusion.
You can learn to do these conversations differently so that you both feel more satisfied with how you have related to each other - calmly and with minimal frustration. The aim will be to stop the perpetual cycle of one of you feeling unheard and the other feeling criticised.
I am very familiar with seeing couples who experience this perpetual Roundabout in their relationship where they circle round and round getting nowhere. I can help you to gain a fuller understanding of yourselves and each other so that you can learn how to finally get off the Roundabout.
Using my extensive knowledge gained over 15 years’ of working with couples, I offer my expert help to give you the best chance possible to move forward into an optimised relationship.
Active listening is half of any conversation
Freddi Manson - 07792 186720
Freddi Manson - 07792 186720